A non-reader's book review

I'm not one for reading books. In fact, I find it nearly impossible to find a book that I feel is worth justifying the time it takes to read it because one, I'm a slow reader, and two, good luck finding something interesting enough to hold my attention (granted, I've read about some fascinating stuff...still don't wanna read it). And if it's fiction, don't even bother. Reality is much more interesting. I'm not necessarily proud of it, but I would rather be doing just about anything else besides read a book. Once in awhile, I'll get the urge to start reading a book. I'll get about 2-3 pages in (maybe even a whole chapter if I'm lucky), before I'm bored out of my mind and wondering why in the world I thought it was a good idea. I'm pretty sure college and graduate school did this to me, because as far as I can recall, I think I enjoyed reading when I was younger. The fact that my career is also filled with drama, chaos, and a continuos learning curve far more interesting than literature may also have something to do with it. Chronic migraines probably also contribute. Now, my daily scripture study is about as far as it gets when it comes to book reading. (On a side note, I do enjoy reading other stuff...shorter stuff...much, much shorter stuff.) All of this being said, it may be surprising to hear that I read an entire book this weekend-a true story about a former university student reuniting with his dying professor and learning a host of life lessons in the process.

It's been quite sometime since the last time I read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, but it's one of very few novels that I've ever read more than once, and also one of the few that I actually feels carries meaning and is worth the time put in (after all, I gave up a good 2-3 hours of my weekend to read it this time around). Aside from the scriptures, this is one of the few books I've read that makes me want to be a better person and really go out and live life to the fullest while I still have the opportunity. It makes me stop and think about what is most important to me and question if I am spending my time in the best way I can. So, while I'm not gonna spoil the book, I just wanted to share a few of my favorite quotes from it and would encourage anyone to read it if you haven't already (I've read it several times). Anywho...here are some of my favorite quotes in the book that are almost all thoughts I have had with recent events that have taken place in my life that I thought I'd share...enjoy!

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"The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. We're teaching the wrong things. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn't work, don't buy it. Create your own."

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"Love wins. Love always wins."

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"So many people walk around in a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

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"I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life."

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"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel."

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"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."

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"Everybody knows they're going to die, but nobody believes it."

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"Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live"

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"If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid."

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"If you're always battling against getting older, you're always going to be unhappy, because it will happen anyhow."

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"You have to find what's good and true and beautiful in your life as it is now."

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"You can't substitute material things for love or for gentleness or for tenderness or for a sense of comradeship." 

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"There are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you don't respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike."

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"We should be looking at our potential, stretching ourselves into everything we can become."

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"Invest in the human family. Invest in people. Build a little community of those you love and who love you."

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"'In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need other to survive, right? And at the end of life, when get like me, you need others to survive, right?'

"His voice dropped to a whisper. 'But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well."

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"Death ends a life, not a relationship."

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"Love is when you are as concerned about someone else's situation as you are about your own."

Unexpected Miracle

**Disclaimer: This post is not in any way an advertisement, but just insight into what's been working for me, and I feel the need to share it in case it might help others too. I may not be perfect at describing it, but I'll do my best. If someone hadn't opened their mouth to tell me, I would still be where I was a few months ago...miserable.**

 Anyway...

At the turn of the new year, I decided I needed to have a theme for 2014. I decided on Expect Miracles, and although we're only through the first quarter of the year, I can tell you that 2014 is surpassing the expectations of the theme.

One of the biggest miracles thus far has been that of renewed health. Yes, I had nasal surgery in January, and that removed the nasal blockage and hence improved breathing. However, I was also experiencing the following symptoms: chronic migraines and tension headaches, intense sinus pressure, chronic fatigue (and I mean BAD...basically when I wasn't working, I was sleeping and while I was working, I wished I was sleeping=ZERO social life), swollen lymph nodes, severe menstrual cramping, dizziness and light-headedness, a multitude of food allergies and intolerances, irritated/dry eyes, major depression, pressure on my eyes, constant dry and sore throat, frequent stomach pain/ulcers, swelling and pain in my joints, severe muscle spasms in my neck and back, inability to focus, inability to lose weight, ear pain, post-nasal drip, discharge from one of my eyes, inability to exercise without landing myself in bed for the day, severe environmental allergies, cysts, and a tumor in my back, among other things. Essentially, I felt terrible. Every. Single. Day. 

In December, Ashley and I met-up for the first time in awhile, and I was asking her how her health had been. She shared that it had improved tremendously, and then went on to share why. Ashley stated that while I had been on my mission, she heard about this place called Divine Nature, a nutritional office. She went on to explain that she had gone there and had done what is called a living blood analysis, during which process you participate in a blood draw. The blood is then placed under a microscope and projected onto a computer screen. The nutritionist then explains various deficiencies or other issues that can be found looking at blood cells. Ashley stated that as a result of the analysis she was placed on a variety of supplements. Two years later, she said, she was feeling great. Ashley stated that since starting on the supplements, she was doing better than ever and several of her loved ones who had also tried it were seeing major differences. She encouraged me to check it out.

While I was excited for Ashley, I feared that like basically everything else I had ever tried, chances were that this thing that worked for other people wasn't going to help me. However, I had a good feelings about it and told Ashley I would check it out after surgery. In early February, after thoroughly picking over the Divine Nature website, I decided to to go ahead and schedule the living blood analysis.

At Divine Nature, I met with health professional, Randy Grant, who proceeded to spend the next hour and a half with me talking with me about the symptoms I was experiencing and then explaining what was most likely going on in my body (took me back to my good ol' anatomy and physiology days). It was probably the most informational appointment I've ever had in regards to learning about my body and what was most likely actually going on (as to opposed to the bagillion hypotheses of countless doctors). After talking for nearly an hour, he then pricked my finger, put my blood under the microscope, and pulled it up on the screen (by the way, it was pretty cool to see my blood cells moving around on the screen). Immediately, because of the education I had just received, I was able to note several of the blood conditions Randy had described to me.

According to what was seen on the screen, Randy proceeded to explain that my primary issue was that my body wasn't digesting proteins (or fats, in fact). Randy explained that because my body was unable to digest the proteins, my liver was backed-up (like a full dryer lint filter) and so would just send the proteins back into my blood stream and deposit them wherever (hence the muscle and joint pain and inability to lose weight). It was also determined that my adrenal glands had stopped functioning completely (which Randy thinks is also what contributed to my sudden development of Hashimoto's on the mission and thinks it could potentially go away once everything is back on track). My body wasn't absorbing nutrients or hydration and severely iron, calcium, and magnesium deficient.

So...what Randy does is develops supplements specific to the various conditions which are made from whole/raw foods (where the original source of the vitamin/mineral or whatever is found). Since I had quite a lot going on, I started on 6 different ones...down to 4 now. The goal is that they aren't all long-term, though, and once your body is back on track, you can wean off most of the them and adjust your diet to help get most of the vitamins/minerals your body specifically needs naturally.

It's been about two months since I started this and I feel like an entirely different person: hardly any muscle/joint pain anymore, decreased headaches, less painful periods, increased energy, I feel like I actually sleep at night, I can focus, I can exercise without feeling like dying, I've lost quite a bit of weight, no more depression, no more food intolerances/allergies, my seasonal allergies have improved, my tumor and cysts have shrunk, and I don't have any more stomach pain...basically all of the symptoms I mentioned above have either decreased significantly or disappeared entirely and I feel like my body is whole again. I know I'm not 100% quite yet, but my life is night and day from just two months ago, and I seriously can't even express how grateful I am.

I am not positive about other clinics in other areas that might also offer this, but I'm trying to find out. I am planning to talk with Randy about it when I follow-up with him. I paid $100 for that initial visit, and honestly it was worth every penny...and more productive than thousands upon thousands of dollars I have spent on other appointments and treatment. Each supplement averages about $20 for a 1-2 month supply (depending on how much of it you need). If anyone has any other questions about it, please feel free to ask.

A few months ago, I was talking with a friend about how I had resigned myself to the fact that I wasn't going to feel any better until the resurrection, and I was even considering looking into filing for disability because of how bad things had gotten. I am so grateful for the miracle that has taken place in my life, and I hope that this can help even one other person! I know God loves us and is aware of us, and sometimes provides answers to long-uttered prayers in ways we never expected.  

The Prayers God Doesn't Have to Answer...and Does Anyway.

"Some blessings come soon, some blessings come late, 

and some don't come until heaven; 

but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, 

they come."

 -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Excitement is still ringing in the air from the Kansas City Cultural Celebration the night before when all 200 missionaries from our mission sang "We'll Bring the World Hist Truth" as we marched through the midst of the parted sea of youth, all of whom had taken a knee to honor those of us they hoped to become in a few short years. Now, my companion and I are eagerly awaiting the end of our shift at the Historic Liberty Jail so we can make our way to the church building and watch the dedication of the new Kansas City Temple. We drive the short distance, take our seats in the new chapel, and participate in an unforgettable event in the history of Missouri and in the history of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After the dedication, we decide to walk across the parking lot to the temple grounds before heading to our next appointment. We are chatting with some members from our area, when emerges from the temple, President Thomas S. Monson and Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, amongst other church leaders. My companion and I stand as lookers-on as many of the children from our congregation mingle with the Lord's Prophet. While we are filled with excitement for the small children, we also feel a twinge of disappointment that we were about an arm's length too far to have the same opportunity. We watch as the prophet and apostle get into their cars and drive away. We follow suit, and drive to our appointment, after which we are filled with even more excitement because one of the individuals we taught committed to baptism! As we run into the house that night, ready to exclaim our good news to the other four sisters living with us, one of the four opened their mouth first and proclaimed, "We just met the prophet!" They go on to explain that directly following the dedication, President Monson came to Liberty Jail, where all four sisters had the chance to meet him. My companion and I hung our heads slightly as we muttered sheepishly, "Oh...well...we just committed someone to be baptized...." We make our way to our room, and feeling more than a little cheated, verbally convince each other that the gospel is still true even if we hadn't been given the same opportunity as our roommates, and decide that President Monson would have rather had us out teaching that family than taking our picture with him anyway. We say companionship prayer, head to bed, and I continue to preach as a full-time missionary for the next 10 1/2 months. 

Fast forward two years.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

My text message alert goes off. I roll over in bed and groan, my stomach still churning. I had spent the entirety of the day before vacillating between lying in bed and running to the bathroom every few minutes to violently vomit, among other things. It's the first time I can recall having food poisoning since I was young, and am still unsure of what I might be able to keep down. I crack an eyelid to read my text, and see a message that my bishop wants to meet with several of us in just a few hours. Seeing as getting out of bed is not looking like an option at any point in the near future, I respond to the text stating that I won't be able to make it.

Hours later, my dutiful friend comes over to visit the sick. He asks if I got the text. I state that I did but that I had been unable to follow through due to my present condition. He explains that Bishop had asked several ward members to volunteer to do shoe coverings for the morning session at the upcoming temple dedication next Sunday for the Gilbert Arizona Temple. I inwardly (and probably outwardly) groan at another missed opportunity to potentially meet the prophet. My friend encourages me to call our bishop and see if there are any more slots. I make the call and find out I'm too late and the slots are full. Again, at my friend's prompting, I ask Bishop to let me know if anyone drops out and Bishop assures me he will.    

Saturday, March 1, 2014

I just got home from watching the cultural celebration via that same dutiful friend's laptop. My friend had reminded me he had to go to bed early as he would have to be up early to get to the temple. I tried to show support. Memories are streaming back from another cultural celebration in another place and at another time, and I am filled with nostalgia, and again, a slight twinge of disappointment that I was about to miss another opportunity I desired to have. While at said friend's, he had suggested that I text Bishop to see if any volunteers had dropped out to help at the dedication, so I did. No response. I turn my phone on silent for the night and say my evening prayers and just so happen to ask God to wake me up if my bishop calls, because I don't want to be woken up throughout the night by various alerts. Within moments, I'm asleep. 

March 2, 2014

I wake up and look at the time on my cell phone. 7:15am. I take my thyroid meds and roll back over with full intentions to sleep for another few hours. For reasons still unbeknownst to me, a few minutes later I roll over again and happen to see my phone literally spazzing out, the background picture flashing big, then small, big, then small...something it's never done before. I take a closer look and realize Bishop tried calling about a minute ago at 7:22am. Inside, I debate for about a second whether to just fall back to sleep or not and decide to return the call. Bishop answers and asks, "How soon can you be at the temple?" In my head, I quickly calculate--showering is obviously out of the question, so I need to get changed, I really gotta go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, put on my make-up, do something with this messy mop I call my hair...then drive the mile to the temple. I swallow as I answer, "Um...15 minutes?" Bishop responds, "Get here!" I pull into the temple parking lot at 7:37am, hoping I look somewhat presentable.

I join the earlier mentioned friend, along with others from the ward, who are all standing around near the temple entrance, leading me to be feel grateful and yet wonder why on earth Bishop called me, as it seems as if my help isn't exactly needed. We stand around for almost an hour and watch as both President Eyring, then Elder Callister arrive and enter the temple. Still no President Monson. Eventually we are asked to actually do something and proceed to open several boxes and unravel a plethora of shoe coverings. We finish the task fairly quickly and resume lingering on the sidewalk. 8:30 comes and goes. So does 8:45. All of those watching the dedication in the temple have already entered and taken their seats. We stand waiting for further direction and listen as people wonder if the Prophet is actually going to show. Finally, it's 8:55, a car pulls-up, and President Monson emerges. We've received strict instruction to stay put and are told the Prophet will be entering the north side. It turns out President Monson has other plans, sings "Hold to the Rod" as he holds the bannister climbing the stairs, and instead of walking straight, deviates left and personally greets each of us. He stares hard at my mint green sweater that he strokes as he pauses and shakes my hand, and in awe says, "Sky blue"before moving onto the next person.

Before I know it, the Prophet has greeted everyone and has disappeared into the temple, and we are being directed into the temple as well. We take our seats and reality hits, "I just met the prophet of God and now I am sitting in the temple for the dedication of my temple." And while both of those thoughts are real and intense, the thought that overwhelms me most is that of God's love for little ol' me.

It turns out there had been a few extra tickets for that morning session that were divided amongst the wards serving, and though there wasn't a need for more volunteers, my bishop chose to call me. He didn't know that I had previously missed two opportunities to meet the prophet, and he didn't know that we would necessarily have the opportunity to meet the prophet that morning, but God knew. President Monson could have walked straight instead of turning left, and I still would have known he was a prophet of God and still would have been thrilled by the fact that I got to attend the dedication in the temple, but God knew of the desire I had two years previously and He fulfilled it in His own time and in His own way. God also knew that had I slept in, missed that volunteer opportunity, and watched the dedication broadcasted to a nearby church building, my faith wouldn't have wavered and I would have been content. So why did He do it? He really didn't have to. I'd like to think it was simply because He loves me and wanted to do something to show it. In fact, I think He does stuff like that all the time for me, for you, for everyone. He answers prayers that He doesn't even really need to answer. Just because. And it's a reminder that those other prayers we've uttered that still haven't been answered...will be...somehow, some way, and on Someone Else's timetable, but they will be answered. 

I Hope

Today is one of those days that I wish I were raising my own children instead of helping to raise the children of 80 other parents. For those who don't know, I am a child and family therapist, and I often have the opportunity to work on some pretty intensive cases. Because of such cases, I am working from home today even though I called in sick. Needless to say, my line of work can be challenge. However, it provides constant reminders of what kind of parent I hope to be.

I know I don't have kids yet, and I can't know what it will really be like until I have kids. However, when I do have kids...

I hope they do feel small when they stand beside the ocean, and I hope they dance (and I hope they dress better than the people in this video). 

I hope they don't pay no mind to the demons that fill with fear and know that I'll make our place a home.

I hope they know I'll be a friend to them...

...but more importantly that I will be a parent to them who will provide safety, security, and structure.

I hope they know that nothing's impossible and that they can dream, explore, get creative, and be silly.

I hope they know they are beautiful no matter what the world says and that they never need to try to be someone they aren't.

I hope they know that everyone makes mistakes (even their parents) but that mistakes don't have to be permanent.

I hope they know that even when it seems things could never get better, there can be miracles if they believe.

And not last nor least, I hope they know that even though there will be hard days, sleepless nights, disagreements, and moments when I forget important details, my life will always be blessed because they're a part of it.

And in the meantime, I'll do all I can to teach these things to the children with whom I do have the blessing to interact. 

I hope.

Tender Mercies Continued.

Sometimes, the Lord knows what we need more than we do. He allows people to come into our lives, and situations to happen to us, not always by our doing, to help bless our lives. Even when we don't always know thats the reason. I remember when I was 18, going through a rough time (one of many) in my life, feeling alone in my health struggles--as if no one truly understood PAIN. That is when I met, Ladawn. :) I had no idea our meeting would turn into the friendship and experiences that it has today. One girls night, turned into a forever friend. As we sat and talked late into the night, after all the other girls left, I realized I had met someone who truly understood a lifetime of physical and emotional pain. Someone who could not only sympathize, but empathize with me. As fun nights turned into many conversations...and after practically begging her-- I then moved in with the lovely Ladawn Park. Again, not having any idea as to what would transpire from this. We grew, had many many strange, fun, spiritual, life changing experiences together. What once was a fun "get to know you night", turned into something that changed my life forever. The Lord knew, we needed to meet. The lord knew, we would have understanding in our special friendship, the Lord knew we would have amazing experiences together that not only shaped and changed our lives, but several others as well. Its truly amazing how one small, what seems to be insignificant thing, turns into something life altering. Im grateful for my understanding of how truly amazing and awe inspiring our Savior is. He knows us, what we need, and the bigger picture--so much better than we do. we must trust in that, and in him.
-Ashley

Mercies in Disguise

Both Ash and I have faced some pretty significant health challenges throughout our lives. Our shared pain actually played a major role in the development of our friendship. Although both of us have made some significant progress, we still have some tough days. Even though today started off pretty good for me, my body had some sort of reaction to an unknown something (Food? Environmental allergen? Emotional stress of work? I really have no idea). Anyway, at some point today, my body flipped a switch from doing really well to struggling to finish out the day. It's been known to happen, so it wasn't too much of a surprise. I was a little frustrated because I had to change my plans tonight in response to the pain. Honestly, though, I couldn't be too upset because I've felt so amazing the rest of this week.

Anyhow, so I ended up just coming home after work, and all I could think of was how much it would help if I had someone to rub my neck and shoulders. Thankfully, I have a great friend who is always willing to help me out in that department, but I was pretty sure he would be busy tonight. I decided to text him anyway, and surprisingly, he was able to stop by almost immediately.

My friend didn't stay for terribly long...maybe 20 minutes. He rubbed my neck and shoulders and talked with me about my day, and then he had to take off (because, as I had assumed, he did have some things going on tonight but still took time out of his day to help me). I gave him a hug, expressed my appreciation to him, and then he was on his way.

Then, I was left with my thoughts of how grateful I was for a small, but oh-so-meaningful act of service...especially as this wasn't nearly the first time he's gone out of his way to help me out. And like the hymn More Holiness Give Me states, I found "more patience in suff'ring" tonight because I found purpose in it. I thought about how much more deep and meaningful my relationship is with this particular friend and with Ashley and with a handful of others in my life because they have shared with me in my pain. They've been provided with opportunities to serve, and I've been provided several doses of humility as I often have to rely on others. Simply put, as the video I posted at the beginning of this post states, tonight I was reminded that sometimes the trials of this life are my mercies in disguise.

Continuation of title...

Patchy grass. "What an odd concept" you may be thinking. This is where that concept comes from--Thinking that the grass, can or always will be greener on the other side. Wondering, that whatever choice you make, or dont make, is going to be less than what you see somewhere else. Why? Human nature. Sinful people. Reality. Always wanting what you dont have. Believing that your life could only be better or happier "IF". Heres the point. Grass isnt beautiful if its patchy. No one WANTS patchy grass. They want full luscious green grass. But our own grass may not always look like that.

This blog is meant to encourage. Encourage others that you are not the only ones who wish life could be different. BUT, lets try and find the happiness in the BEING together. Whatever stage in life you may be, whatever your life looks like at the current moment, however things may seem--we can find the joy and the good and the beautiful through all the patches. Lets look at our own grass as if it were the most beautiful lawn we have ever seen. ;)

Food for thought: “Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger. It won’t last forever.” -

“You’re worthy of it all. You just have to believe you are!” -Tony Gaskins

"The most adventurous journey to embark on; is the journey to yourself, the most exciting thing to discover; is who you really are, the most treasured pieces that you can find; are all the pieces of you, the most special portrait you can recognize; is the portrait of your soul." -Oswald